i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
nutella sex= disaster
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
