i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
