Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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