he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
