Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
