i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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