Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
