felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
