I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
