Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
