two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
