You're my little dorito
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
