he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
