Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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