I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
40s are totally the cure
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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