do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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