There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
