it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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