this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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