actually, I'm a sock model
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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