so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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