I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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