your parents love me but you hate me
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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