My nipple is on Facebook.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
