well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
