You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
