So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
