She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
