So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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