3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
