I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
