Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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