those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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