I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
