I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
