We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
