He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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