My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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