Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
