@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
