Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
