things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize