Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
