is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
