There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
