Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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