3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
