And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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