So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
