Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
