just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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