from now on my penis is your penis
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
