Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize