I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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