Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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