she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
