is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
