I cannot find my penis.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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