I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i've created a new STD.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
