My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
