During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She bit a glass in half.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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