I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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