For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
