Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
