I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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