At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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