you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
