nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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