You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
