we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
