What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
