Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
