I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
