non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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