Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
