What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
