It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
