It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
