i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
