You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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