I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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