oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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