OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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