I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I didn't notice because vodka
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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