Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize