I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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