I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
