Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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