Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
