Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
