Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Canโt fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize