You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize