erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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