i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
