idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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