so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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