you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
