i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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