I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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