He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
