she was so not down for the gang bang
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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