plz talk dirty to me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize